How do You Cope?

    It comes like a thief in the night, quietly making its way through your most intimate parts in search of what it can rob from you. That is depression. Depression doesn’t care how much work and effort you’ve put into something. Its only mission is to dismantle you at your very core. Only then will it be satisfied. It has no empathy. It has no sympathy. It has no conscience. It robs you of your joy. The more reasons you have to be joyful for, the harder depression fights to make its way into your life. Fortunately, we have ways to cope with it.

     I learned long ago that self-care is of utmost importance. A major component of self-care is to educate yourself AND OTHERS about how your depression affects you, and ways you can overcome some of the damage it causes. I say some because depression is a chronic illness that doesn’t just simply go away. It can be mitigated, but hardly ever eradicated. Depression can go into hibernation but it will always find a way to make an appearance, usually during your most joyful moments.

     Self-care can look different for each and every one of us. It can be in the form of medication, exercise, healthy diet, spirituality, meditation, etc. The question we must ask ourselves is, “What works best for me?” Oh, and let me not forget to add a very important factor to this list: stay away from negative voices! The world is full of complainers–people that tend to lament over their life but don’t want to find solutions. There also those who will make ignorant comments such as “Get over it.”, or “I’ve been through much worse and I’m not depressed.” Drop those people like a hot piece of coal and move on! Can you just get over having illnesses such as asthma, diabetes, or high blood pressure? No, but you can keep symptoms and flare-ups under control. The same principle applies to depression. Depression is a mental infirmity, and just because you can’t hear it or take a blood test to prove you have it does not mean it doesn’t exist.

     In my case self-care consists of coping methods such as prayer, writing, listening to music, watching comedies, taking leisurely walks, and not rushing through life. I refuse to allow myself or anyone else put too many things on my plate. I choose to do only one thing at a time. I choose to say no if I know I can’t handle a task. I also say no if I don’t feel like doing something or going somewhere. I choose to not attempt to please everybody at every moment. And I do so without feeling guilty.

     For any of you out there who struggle with depression I would like to remind you that you are not alone. It may feel like that much of the time, but that is partly because we tend to isolate ourselves when we feel down. However, statistical data demonstrates that “depression is a common mental disorder…Globally an estimated 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression” (http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs369/en/).

     So, what are we to do? We need to do what is best for us! We must not listen to the negative voices. We shall cry if we have to cry. We need to reach out to someone we trust. We must pray even when it’s difficult to utter the words. Most important of all, we must not give up! We must continue on even if we have to drag ourselves to the other side. We must not forget all of the walls we have climbed over and own the fact that we are strong!

Silent Pain

Every once in a while you see something or hear something that makes you stop in your tracks. The opposite is also true. You might see a topic that doesn’t seem to be of importance or interest to you at all, but then you hear about it again and it completely immerses you. Such was my experience a couple of weeks ago when I saw Kevin Hines* speak about suicide.

Suicide is something that has touched me personally, yet I have not typically given it much thought. Perhaps it was because the subject of suicide is a societal taboo. Or perhaps it was because for so long I didn’t understand the “whys” as to why someone would take their own life, until I experienced some of those thoughts myself.

My first encounter with anything related to suicide occurred when I was 13. My father had been diagnosed with a very painful form of cancer (multiple myeloma) a couple of years earlier. I had watched him grimace in pain, and wither away to nothing as the days and weeks went by. He was a quiet man, and a very reserved Latino man at that, so he would not discuss how he was feeling with anyone. He suffered in silence. And it was in that silence that he attempted to take his own life.

All I can remember about that day is the little bit of chaos that my mother would let me witness. “Is he going to make it?” was one of the questions I heard. “Should we take him to the hospital?” was another. I don’t actually remember seeing my father in his bedroom. I only remember seeing him in the hospital with tubes inserted in his body, and hearing conversations about the doctors pumping his stomach of its contents. I was 13, and memories can sometimes play tricks on you, but that is what I mainly remember. I also remember being around my dad as much as I could after he came home. I did not want to leave him alone, fearing that he would try to do the same thing again.

My dad never told me why he did what he did. For a long time I was mad at him because I couldn’t reconcile the fact that he loved me, but not enough to try to keep on living. I simply just did not understand his pain. I have since learned that people who take their own lives don’t really want to die. No, they simply want the hurting to stop. We may not understand the hurt, but their pain is very real.

My father died in 1982. I still miss him immensely despite all of the years that have passed, but I am at peace knowing that his pain ended long ago. Now today, October 12, 2016, on what would have been his 93^rd birthday, I choose to honor his memory by recognizing that he did love me. He loved me with all that he had. He loved me despite his pain.

Depression is something I will always have to deal with, but thankfully I have not had suicidal thoughts for a very long time. I thank God for that. I thank my friends and family for their love and support. I also need to thank myself for recognizing that self-care is of utmost importance.

My wish is that we reach out to those who are hurting, and that if you are the one hurting that you let somebody know. Do not feel embarrassed, and do not feel weak. Asking for help is one of the bravest things any of us can ever do!

* “In September 2000, Kevin Hines leapt off the Golden Gate Bridge, a method of suicide attempt that has resulted in death for most of the 2000 people who have made that jump since the bridge was erected in 1937…But Kevin survived. He survived, and in the 16 years since his nearly fatal try, Kevin has become the bridge between the many mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children, spouses, friends, and loved ones who made a similar acts.”

Check out his incredible story at http://www.kevinhinesstory.com/

Chips & Chocolate

Has something ever happened to you and you thought, “Wow, what a coincidence!” Happens to me all the time. What I have noticed, however, is that most times they are not mere coincidences. They are lessons.

Sometimes lessons are so subtle that if we are not paying attention we miss them, but every now and then we ask ourselves, “Was I supposed to learn something from this?” For me most of the time the answer is yes! This week was a prime example of that.

A couple of days ago I went to the store to buy a few necessities. Payday was still a few days away so I had to be wise with the little bit of money I had on hand. Many times we confuse our “wants” with our “needs” and I had that in mind when I set my sight on a bag of potato chips. I enjoy a good potato chip! Of course it was right there as soon as you walk into the store, so I had the entire time at the store to think about that bag of chips. Although my desire was great, I decided I better wait because I had to buy other items in order to make sure my son had something for dinner for the next couple of days. I left the store without the bag of chips.

After I got home it was time to get ready for bible study. In lieu of our usual routine, our group had decided to get together and help out a couple that is in the midst of a total house renovation. They need a lot of assistance as they have a newborn and have to get things repaired and cleaned before they move in. We joyfully pitched in and enjoyed some snacks that were brought. One of the snacks was none other than a bag of chips! Needless to say I dug right in. When it was time to go home the friend that brought the chips said, “Maribel, take these home. I don’t want them.” Lo and behold, I got my chips…for free!

Yesterday I had a similar scenario at work. We received an email that in honor of St. Patrick’s Day there was a mint chocolate candy bar in our staff mailbox. I love chocolate more than chips! I immediately sent out a thank you email and couldn’t wait until I checked my mailbox. That candy bar would be a great supplement to my lunch. I was excited to go pick up my candy bar. My excitement was short lived though because when I checked I didn’t have one. I received the email but apparently was not one of the intended recipients. I was disappointed.

Later on in the day a co-worker who had gone to a meeting that I was unable to attend called and asked me if I had a minute because she brought back some information to share with me. When she came to my office she handed me a couple of brochures, a pen, and a York Peppermint Patty – the same type of candy bar that was supposed to be in my mailbox!

Now I need to make an addition. As I was writing this I took a coffee break. I didn’t bring breakfast with me this morning, and was actually craving Ritz crackers (another one of my favorite snacks). I made the coffee, went to chat with a coworker, and what did she have right there on the corner of her desk? A pack of Ritz crackers! She told me to help myself. She had no idea what an impact that had on me, and what a confirmation it gave me.

I refuse to believe that these incidents are mere coincidences. I was supposed to learn a lesson, or be reminded of lessons I already know. Psalm 37:4 states, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  Matthew 6 encourages us to not worry excessively about the every day cares of life. Instead, we ought to put God above all else because we have His assurance that He will take care of our every need. Philippians 4:6 tells us to “…not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Sometimes God uses us, and other times he talks to us/shows up through others.  How blessed am I that this week He showed up in the form of chips and chocolate…and Ritz!

Make Life Count

Within the past couple of days I received news that two family members are on their deathbeds, one given a few days to live, the other a couple of months. Life is finite, that is no secret. Not one of us can escape the hour when we will take our last breath on this earth. Typically we don’t wake up asking ourselves if today will be that day. No one knows the exact time. We all know we must die, but when we are told we have an approximate period of time to live it becomes so much more real.

I think I reflect on death more than your conventional person because of losing both parents to cancer. I remember hearing that dreaded phrase, “You have x-number of months to live.” This is why I try to live my life to the fullest. I travel, I tell people I love them, I forgive, I try to be as kind as I can be, and I eat what I want when I have a craving. I refuse to allow my finances dictate how I’m going to enjoy life. I usually have enough resources to do what I want because I choose to be content with what I have. I don’t live life to impress anyone else, nor to accommodate anyone’s idea of how I should live my life. I know that I am on this earth only because God allowed it to be so, and realize that this is my temporary home. I am imperfect. I screw up, I get up again, and thank God for His mercy. My future is secure in Him.

Hearing the recent bad news finds me once again contemplating the brevity of life. Don’t spend your last days lamenting the past. Make your life count from today on! Do the things you want to do, always keeping God in the forefront. Free yourself by forgiving others, spend less on brand names and more on memories, don’t cancel plans with family in order to get more work done. Spend less time being upset at your significant other and more time demonstrating why you fell in love with them in the first place. Craving dessert? Eat it! In public and get the urge to dance? Do it!

What stories do you want to leave behind with your loved ones? Let their grief be replaced by loving memories.