Afraid to Live?

     Fear. The word itself connotes worry and concern. We have all feared something or someone.  Whether it’s another human being, an illness, a decision, or commitment we have at one time or another experienced that uneasy feeling up and down our spine. And you know what? It is perfectly okay to be afraid!
     Many people hold fear as being synonymous with weakness. I couldn’t disagree more! Fear is an emotion that leads to action. You might be thinking, “No way! Fear makes me freeze in my tracks!” The fact of the matter is that either way we must take action: freeze and turn around, or face the fear and trudge forward.
     According to www.psychologytoday.com, “Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats.” Too often, however, we protect ourselves so much that we end up giving in to our fear.
     Let me be candid with you and share some of my fears. Because of an incident when I was around 4 years old, I fear black hairy spiders (one crawled down my arm)! I am slightly claustrophobic (I don’t like feeling trapped). I dislike speeding in cars and driving over bridges. I absolutely have a fear of heights. And, I definitely fear something bad happening to my children.

     To a certain extent I have faced some of the fears I listed. One of my proudest moments was climbing a very tall ladder and swinging on a flying trapeze. I was literally paralyzed with fear in the beginning, but it got a little less intimidating each time I climbed. Am I still afraid of heights? Certainly! However, each time it gets a little easier. I constantly pray to God to watch over and protect my children. Do I still worry about them? Of course, but I don’t let it consume my thoughts.
     What I’m trying to say is that fear used to hold me back from living. It was safer to stay in my comfort zone. If I tried, I might experience failure. If I loved, it would hurt. I was afraid to be happy. I had many goals and dreams, but fear kept me from attempting to accomplish them. Remember I said fear is an emotion that leads to action? Well it was that same fear that prompted me to change: fear of the hopeless routines, fear of missing out on all of the beautiful things life has to offer. And most of all, fear of living an insignificant life.
     God placed each and every one of us on this earth with a unique purpose to serve. Some live a majestic life of record-breaking achievements, others enjoy the thrill of being financially secure, and yet others enjoy the reward of having a loving family life. While it is perfectly normal to be afraid, we should never allow fear to hold us back from embracing God’s purpose for us. We are not here to merely exist, we are here to live!

Timing

      They say timing is everything. I guess that’s true, but I also believe that sometimes it’s a little off. It takes you in a direction you were not planning to go in. Nevertheless, I have a saying, “The best times are had unplanned.” You can’t plan for situations and expect them to come out right 100% of the time.
     Some of the best feelings in the world are impromptu smiles, unplanned adventures, secret escapes. You can’t be disappointed because you’re not expecting anything in the first place. On the contrary, your heart is filled with genuine joy because the stars lined up and everything turned out just the way you didn’t plan.
     This was my experience during my recent trip back home, the home of my ancestors. No economic crisis, no lack of employment, nor moral dilemmas can take away her beauty. Not one of God’s creations is ugly, and Puerto Rico is a prime example of that. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth. 
     During this recent visit I was re-energized and further educated. I learned that we have four different landscapes: beaches, mountains, rainforest, and desert…all within driving distance of each other! Our people are open, warm, and caring. We have a zest for life. Music is in our blood, and it carries a variety of rhythms through our veins. And what can I say about our food? It’s unparalleled! 
     Our rich history tells of our Taíno ancestors’ struggle to survive, the slaves’ cries for freedom, and the expansion of the Spanish. But the real beauty of the matter is that we are all one. Black, white, tan – we all lay claim to a rich heritage that has intertwined throughout the years. One cannot survive without the other. 
     Although I am returning to the place I’ve called home for the past 30+ years, I have left my heart behind. It was touched, it was blessed, and it was captured. I have not felt this cleansed and alive in a very long time. I was not prepared to experience the feelings that came over me, but it couldn’t have happened at a better time.