About Me

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My name is Maribel. I have two wonderful children and a strong faith. I am also a survivor of depression. I want to share my stories and feelings with everyone in the hopes of removing some of the stigma associated with this disease. You are not weak, you are not crazy. It is not a feeling that you can just wish would go away; it is a struggle from day to day. Some days are good, some days are great, other times everything around you seems bleak. The good news is that there is hope, and depression can be controlled. Thank you for visiting my page. I hope you will enjoy reading my thoughts. At times you will find my posts to be educational and uplifting. Other times I am sure they will be raw and personal. My hope is that you will travel this road with me as we continue to explore what is in store for us in this journey called life.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Whirlwind of Emotions

     If you grew up going to the playground, chances are you had the joy of riding on the merry go-round at top speed, then stepping off feeling as if you entered some sort of vortex. Your feet might have been touching the ground, but your brain was still spinning. Your eyes moved to the left or the right, but it took a few seconds for the picture in your brain to catch up. This is the only way I know how to describe what I am experiencing now that I stopped taking one of my antidepressants.
     Aside from the dizzy-like effect, which is sometimes referred to in the antidepressant world as “brain zaps”, I have been experiencing a whirlwind of emotions and physical symptoms: fatigue, irritability, strange dreams, and blurry/double vision. Fun, fun! 

     I was aware that taking any type of medication can cause side effects, but I did not give much thought to the fact that coming off of certain medications can cause withdrawal symptoms (hence why doctors are adamant about properly weaning yourself off of them, a piece of advice I did not heed too closely.) 

     My decision to stop taking Celexa has been a year in the making. Thanks to God, I stopped going to my therapist last year and it has gone rather well. That, I admit, was a scary decision to make. A therapist/patient relationship is just that, a relationship. When you stop going to your appointments, it’s as if you “break-up” with that person. We both agreed I was at a good point in life where discontinuing counseling was not a bad decision. I had decided, however, it was best not to discontinue my medication at the same time, lest it be too much too soon. So, I made it my goal to quit one year later, and here I am. I do not regret this decision, I just wish I had done more research about what to expect. 

     If you or anyone you know is on antidepressants, be patient! Be kind to yourself. Be empathetic with others. Let the person explain how they are feeling, even if you do not completely understand. The symptoms can feel like hell, but they are not permanent. Even if just one person reading this has gained some insight about what living with depression is like, then I know this blog entry was not written in vain.

It's a whirlwind in my skull
Mind flipping this way and that
Dizziness is good for the soul I think to myself
But then it starts up again
Mind tossing this way and that
It won't stop
It can't stop
It's a whirlwind in my skull...

Aug 23, 2013


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